Letters from Emile

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Bring on the permanent sunshine

Strawberry fields at the roundabout and a yellow submarine in the harbour. Welcome to Guernsey in 20 years’ time, says Neil Ross’ Emile...

Park and ride


The new States are going to have to sort out the transport links, that’s for sure, says Neil Ross’s Emile. After all, the present lot were supposed to put in a transport strategy, but look what’s happened. We’ve ended up with a short runway, an unreliable ferry and a toy train going round Town...

States like a beached turtle – at loggerheads

Amendments, sursis and suggestions flying all over the place – Jack said the education debate reminded him of the Battle of Flowers in the old days. (1013884)

There were amendments and sursis flying all over the place and it reminded him of the Battle of Flowers of many years ago, but as Neil Ross writes in his Letter from Emile, this States has a habit of making things up as it goes along

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Neil Ross’ Emile has had his calculator out and it’s telling him some worrying things. Over its four-year term, he calculates, this States has lost an average of about £2.5m. every year by getting things wrong. ‘I bet they don’t put that in their manifestos,’ he tells cousin Eugene...

Bring on the plastic palm trees

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Once a year he gets out the old crystal ball and gives it a good polish. And what Neil Ross’ Emile sees for 2016 puts the island right up in the forefront of ‘visitor experiences’ – but it’s bad news for ormer trawlers...

Plugging the gaps

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With Environment dead set on leaving the L’Ancresse anti-tank wall to crumble, Neil Ross’s Emile is sure he’s found a way to help fill the gaps and find a new home for some unwanted items at the same time. But with Treasury looking to import people to plug its funding hole and the States making cuts as the civil service grows, his cousin has plenty to digest in this month’s letter

Carried away by the UK

Peewee cartoon for Emile about paying for carrier bags.

A trip to Town has irked Neil Ross’s Emile, who discovered that UK chains are forcing their carrier bag fees on islanders. And as he explains to his cousin, it’s not the only aspect of Guernsey life that’s influenced by the mainland. Sunday trading has now been voted in, but there are lots of resulting issues that haven’t been thought through...

A matter of understanding


With so many big issues before the States, and a few of them controversial, Neil Ross’s Emile has plenty to tell his cousin Eugene. From education to Condor, the Leopardess to our relationships with other places – it’s all about money and ‘understandings’

Stealth, wealth and a deliberate rain dance

Emile cartoon Sept

The schools are back and we’re into September. Time for everything to get back to normal after the summer. Trouble is, as Neil Ross’s Emile tells his cousin Eugene, what with the harbours and Environment and the money that’s left going round in circles, he’s not too sure what normal is any more...

The black and the white of dredging all over

Emile cartoon July

Back-patting, pontoons and an eye-popping ‘poo pipe’ – plus a bit of hobnobbing. Neil Ross’ Emile has plenty to tell his cousin Eugene this month – and some of it, he reckons, takes the biscuit

A model example...

Emile cartoon May

The architects of the new Town plans claim their models worked, but Neil Ross’s Emile isn’t so sure... although he’s certain there was plenty of Lego involved

‘Sarnian spring’ gets hit by fog

Emile cartoon April

The States are spending madly on ‘improvements’ we don’t want, inventing new taxes to pay for them and complaining about being £50m. short of funds they never had in the first place. No wonder people are leaving the island, says Neil Ross’ Emile

Whatever happened to the Sarnian Spring?

Peewee cartoon for Neil Ross column Letter from Emile.

Neil Ross’s Emile has so much to tell his cousin, it’s hard to know where to start – between the toing and froing of the traffic strategy, the fears over importing food, closing the Albert Pier and a single-lane Quay, Eugene’s going to wonder what’s going on in Guernsey… 

Round in circles, by Neil Ross

Peewee cartoon for Letter from Emile column.

In his monthly letter to his cousin, Neil Ross’s Emile relays the news that Oscar Puffin is going solely online, buses are travelling nowhere fast and Sir Isaac Brock could be playing at musical statues.

Blast times, by Neil Ross

Emile cartoon by Peewee

It would take a bomb to get some students out of bed on a Sunday morning. And as Neil Ross’ Emile tells his cousin Eugene, Bluebell Wood obligingly supplied one last weekend...

Extended leave? Join the queue...

(Illustration by Peewee)

Retiring at 85? What’s old Tosty the veg man thinking of, asks Neil Ross’ Emile, who has plenty to tell cousin Eugene about housing licences, the Perelle sea wall and the ever-present possibility of the States starting from Plan Z...

Commitment issues

(Illustration by Peewee)

Allegiance is the theme of Emile's monthly letter to his cousin, as one airline sells off its Gatwick routes and the going gets tough for the UK-owned bus company. And it looks like the States are reneging on their savings promises too...

States of secrecy

(Illustration by Peewee)

In his monthly letter to his cousin, Neil Ross’s Emile reveals his concerns about deputies’ confidential dealings and worries that his future postings might not be so illuminating...

Overworked and over here

Emile, 9/2/13

In his monthly letter to his cousin, Nick Ross’s Emile bemoans the rise of UK workers and wonders at the States’ ability to manage its finances. And there’s the little issue of ormers, too...