Letters from Emile

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Bring on the plastic palm trees

Once a year he gets out the old crystal ball and gives it a good polish. And what Neil Ross’ Emile sees for 2016 puts the island right up in the forefront of ‘visitor experiences’ – but it’s bad news for ormer trawlers...

The black and the white of dredging all over

Emile cartoon July

Back-patting, pontoons and an eye-popping ‘poo pipe’ – plus a bit of hobnobbing. Neil Ross’ Emile has plenty to tell his cousin Eugene this month – and some of it, he reckons, takes the biscuit

A model example...

Emile cartoon May

The architects of the new Town plans claim their models worked, but Neil Ross’s Emile isn’t so sure... although he’s certain there was plenty of Lego involved

‘Sarnian spring’ gets hit by fog

Emile cartoon April

The States are spending madly on ‘improvements’ we don’t want, inventing new taxes to pay for them and complaining about being £50m. short of funds they never had in the first place. No wonder people are leaving the island, says Neil Ross’ Emile

Whatever happened to the Sarnian Spring?

Peewee cartoon for Neil Ross column Letter from Emile.

Neil Ross’s Emile has so much to tell his cousin, it’s hard to know where to start – between the toing and froing of the traffic strategy, the fears over importing food, closing the Albert Pier and a single-lane Quay, Eugene’s going to wonder what’s going on in Guernsey… 

Round in circles, by Neil Ross

Peewee cartoon for Letter from Emile column.

In his monthly letter to his cousin, Neil Ross’s Emile relays the news that Oscar Puffin is going solely online, buses are travelling nowhere fast and Sir Isaac Brock could be playing at musical statues.

Blast times, by Neil Ross

Emile cartoon by Peewee

It would take a bomb to get some students out of bed on a Sunday morning. And as Neil Ross’ Emile tells his cousin Eugene, Bluebell Wood obligingly supplied one last weekend...

Extended leave? Join the queue...

(Illustration by Peewee)

Retiring at 85? What’s old Tosty the veg man thinking of, asks Neil Ross’ Emile, who has plenty to tell cousin Eugene about housing licences, the Perelle sea wall and the ever-present possibility of the States starting from Plan Z...

Commitment issues

(Illustration by Peewee)

Allegiance is the theme of Emile's monthly letter to his cousin, as one airline sells off its Gatwick routes and the going gets tough for the UK-owned bus company. And it looks like the States are reneging on their savings promises too...

States of secrecy

(Illustration by Peewee)

In his monthly letter to his cousin, Neil Ross’s Emile reveals his concerns about deputies’ confidential dealings and worries that his future postings might not be so illuminating...

Overworked and over here

Emile, 9/2/13

In his monthly letter to his cousin, Nick Ross’s Emile bemoans the rise of UK workers and wonders at the States’ ability to manage its finances. And there’s the little issue of ormers, too...

All about the money

(Illustration by Peewee)

Overspends and cost-cutting are at the heart of Neil Ross’s monthly letter from Emile to his cousin – and the States comes in for a fair bit of stick. But in his pre-Christmas missive, the police and Border Agency also share the hot coals with the chestnuts for a seasonal roasting...

Flooding on the dance floor

(Illustration by Peewee)

Our friend Emile has water on the brain and money on his mind – and, ultimately, where it’s gone. In this letter to his cousin, he fills him in on the floods, Island Hospital and the latest exploits of the States...

Everything’s temporary

(Illustration by Peewee)

Electricity price hikes, sea wall reports and semi-permanent traffic lights are all hot topics for our island friend in his writings this month. What will cousin Eugene make of it all?

What’s point of armed police when States just hands over millions?

(Illustration by Peewee)

Our Olympians did bloney well, but it’s not all been gold medals and big grins this month, says Neil Ross in his Letter from Emile. How can a well-regulated finance centre ‘lose’ £2.6m., for example? And are we ever likely to find it, given that we’re still looking for £20,000 that went missing years ago...

Fill it with beanjar

(Illustration by Peewee).

US interest in our cows, a royal visit and the Olympic torch in Town – Neil Ross’ Emile has a lot to tell his cousin this month, including a cunning plan for sorting out the ‘Torrey Canyon’ quarry ...

An answer for everything

(Illustration by Peewee)

Another month has gone by and so much has happened – power cable problems, policemen taking to bicycles and two hotel fires. Emile has plenty to tell his cousin, starting with the U-turn on traffic lights...

Tweets for all


Deputies using ‘clever’ phones in the States? It’s an idea. But how long will it be before they’re updating their Facebook status to ‘bored’ or even ‘asleep’, wonders Neil Ross’s Emile...

Playing by the rules

(Illustration by Peewee)

It’s been a busy few weeks, what with the election and choosing a chief minister. And now with the hold-up at Heathrow it’ll be a wonder if Emile’s letter ever reaches his cousin...