Letters from Emile - page 2

Fill it with beanjar

(Illustration by Peewee).

US interest in our cows, a royal visit and the Olympic torch in Town – Neil Ross’ Emile has a lot to tell his cousin this month, including a cunning plan for sorting out the ‘Torrey Canyon’ quarry ...

An answer for everything

(Illustration by Peewee)

Another month has gone by and so much has happened – power cable problems, policemen taking to bicycles and two hotel fires. Emile has plenty to tell his cousin, starting with the U-turn on traffic lights...

Tweets for all


Deputies using ‘clever’ phones in the States? It’s an idea. But how long will it be before they’re updating their Facebook status to ‘bored’ or even ‘asleep’, wonders Neil Ross’s Emile...

Playing by the rules

(Illustration by Peewee)

It’s been a busy few weeks, what with the election and choosing a chief minister. And now with the hold-up at Heathrow it’ll be a wonder if Emile’s letter ever reaches his cousin...

Defending island life


It’s been an interesting month for Emile, what with a new armoured vehicle, election manifestos and VAT-related job losses. And now there’s talk of Sunday shopping coming up again, as he explains to his cousin...

Blowing in the wind farm


Electricity shares, fog and the refilled model yacht pond are all big news to Emile, as he keeps his cousin up to date on the comings and goings of island life...

Sink or swim? States couldn’t decide in time


How come deputies can faff around for so long when debating their own pay, yet so many of them had no trouble deciding not to take a dip in Belle Greve Bay? Neil Ross’ Emile knows why so many who are perfectly good swimmers have turned down the challenge – they can’t keep their mouths closed for long enough.

A leaf through Emile’s 2012 diary

Emile Illustration

It’s an Olympics year, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that more than the usual sparks will fly in Guernsey. In his annual predictions for the year ahead, Neil Ross’s old mate Emile wonders if the fabled torch will even get this far...

Shock for Peel people

Illustration by Peewee

Film-makers will be amazed if they decide to shoot The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society here – they won’t be expecting to find a cement works and Portakabin village at the airport, a building site at the harbour or roads full of irate commuters, writes Neil Ross’s Emile in his latest letter to cousin Eugene. And if any of the crew are over a certain age, they could even end up having to retake their driving test...

Changing tax

Emile. Illustration by Peewee

There’s an obvious answer to the UK’s decision to stop goods being sent to England without VAT being paid, writes Neil Ross’ Emile in his latest letter to cousin Eugene. But if fulfilment firms do end up moving out, our writer has also thought of a novel way to solve the controversial bus service dilemma...

Gulls and ploys


A class of unruly States members, a black hole that remains unfilled and intensive care for gulls – all part of an average Guernsey month. Neil Ross gets his teeth into all three – and quite a lot more...

Harbouring ambitions

emile 18-9-2011

Building a dock at Longue Hougue big enough to accommodate cruise ships could save £100m. being spent on St Peter Port – and might mean big bucks for our island, writes Neil Ross’ Emile in his latest letter to cousin Eugene. But other ideas – such as uniting with the Crapauds and cutting bus services and postal deliveries – are less welcome...

When the grilles are down


Permitted levels of security apparently all depend on the building. But what do you do when it’s a cliff that’s listed? Neil Ross’ Emile keeps cousin Eugene abreast of what’s been going on in Guernsey...

Charge of the lights brigade


What’s going on when your butter starts collecting air miles like the chief minister? And what would Sir John Doyle think of the traffic lights that are multiplying down Route Militaire? Neil Ross’s Emile gets his teeth into Guernsey’s data day news...

Terminal case

emile 29-6-2011

Moving the airport to the north of the island and taking trash to the Forest would have endless advantages, writes Neil Ross’s Emile – including an answer to UK workers’ accommodation, an end to certain transportation problems, fewer flight cancellations ... and getting one up on Jersey