Plug-ins, supported

THE last few months from a political perspective have been similar to the Phoney War period of the Second World War. After all the excitement and passion of rushing pet projects through the last dying months of the 2012 Assembly, followed by the equally exciting election of the 2016 crowd, we have entered a period of almost zero observable political activity.

If it wasn't for the reactive responses to the proof that both Condor and Aurigny have failed us then we'd hardly know we had a government. At first this seemed like a bad thing. Each day it has become harder to find anything to rant and rage about. Indeed, it has become necessary to scan this publication even more closely to find outrage triggers hidden among an ever increasing tide of feel-good stories.

The Olympics, as expected, hasn't helped at all and has even driven most of the Brexit angst into a tiny corner, where it has become hardly visible. Even the most hardened Remoaners have been overcome by a sense of national pride as the GB gold medal haul increased. I have to admit that because of social media even I have watched some of the Olympics this year, focusing mostly on the massive failures beloved by YouTubers.

All that is keeping me going is the thought that in just a few short weeks, when our new government settles into place and begins to issue edicts, my Umbrage Meter will be far into the red zone, blaring out 'warning! warning!' in the voice of the Lost in Space robot.

That's how we got onto electric cars. I have to confess to having little interest/knowledge of any type of car. I've never held a driving licence and although I can identify most tractor types of the pre-1970s I find colour to be the easiest way of differentiating models of cars.

Somehow I had it in my mind that electric cars were something that Noddy would want to drive after experiencing a green epiphany. I'd assumed they would be similar in size to a bubble car, made entirely of recycled or renewable materials (preferably old toilet roll cardboard inserts) and in a pinch could quickly convert into Flintstone mode between charges.

How wrong could I be? I'd not realised that green ideals are strongly supported by the upper-middle class and they can only show their support by conspicuous, but sustainable, consumption. They don't want to be seen in Noddy cars like the true environmentalists, nor are they content with the the luxury accessory of a built-in anorak hanger. No, they need luxury, high performance models out of the reach of the hoi polloi, even with generous subsidies. They need electric cars that can do nought-to-lose-your-Guernsey-licence in less than two seconds while simultaneously compressing your internal organs.

At that level of wealth, electric cars make sense. They have a certain cachet, allowing wealth to be flaunted, but in a way that shows the owner cares about polar bears. They also have a parking place at home and at work where they can plug the beast in.

Umpteen interlocking States policies, strategies and visions designed to save the planet wish to see our dirty, fossil-fuel-powered vehicle fleet replaced by fewer electric cars. I suppose if the wealthy were the only ones driving about in electric cars, with all the rest of us walking, cycling and bussing, that would be a tick in the box for the traffic strategy?

However, egalitarian Guernsey would never allow such a turn of events. Therefore we must assume electric vehicles will become essential for normal enjoyment of life in our Bailiwick.

This is where the tea-time conversation turned its attention. How do people living in flats or houses without onsite parking charge their electric cars?

Will we see a rush on extension cables and will St Peter Port become a spider's web of those cables, running from each flat along the pavements to wherever the electric car is parked?

When everyone gets home from work in the winter at about 6pm and switches on the kettle, oven, electric heating (oil and gas heating would've disappeared with the Green Epiphany) and plug their cars in, will that cause a spike at the power station?

At the Treasury, will they notice that all the fuel duties have dried up? Will someone have the sense to impose an extension cable length tax before the deficit gets too out of hand?

We like to come up with practical outcomes around the table at Old Farm, just as our deputies do in the Assembly.

So after some considerable discussion, which led us down the wrong path, crossing over to self-driving vehicles and the erosion of free will by the State, we arrived at a working compromise solution.

We were rather proud of the result and feeling quite smug as, just like our professional politicians, we were able to revise policy on the hoof and come up with a working consensus compromise.

The obvious answer to the comprehensive adoption of electric vehicles, avoiding both a proliferation of pavement-laid extension cables and any overloading of the existing power infrastructure, is the requirement for all EVs to be equipped with back-up fossil fuel-powered generators.