Weathering the storm

Cher Eugene,

Caw, you've had some good weather on your side of the world, eh, mon vieux? We've had just about every sort of wind, rain and hail possible here, us. The weather, it's been a bit like the States trying to make a decision, eh?

Mind you, there's one decision the Policy Council made, them. They decided to buy the two fuel boats that run to Guernsey – for £17m., without telling anyone, eh? They were owned by a company that was in danger of going bust and since there's only seven fuel ships in the world that can get into St Sampson's Harbour, the council quick bought the boats before they were sold off.

Some of the deputies, when they found out, said it's not a government's job to own businesses like that. Well, there's a few governments that seem to be buying banks in all this credit crunch, mon vieux. But then, only the States of Guernsey could buy two ships because they haven't got a decent berth and buy an airline when they can't sort out a runway, eh?

When you think about it, it's the States' fault for not planning ahead, them. I mean, there's been talk for years about having a deep-water berth to St Sampson's, eh? If they'd done that when they did the reclamation, they could have any ships they like and a berth for these cruise liners as well.

But they wanted to make money out of boatowners in a marina instead, them. I suppose if they hadn't bought the ships, they would have had to ask all the boatowners, when they go over to the UK, could they bring back a barrel of fuel every time they go, eh?

The strange thing is, they asked the fuel distribution companies if they wanted to buy the boats, because if oil doesn't get to the island, they won't have anything to distribute. But the companies said they weren't interested in operating boats. Caw, that makes you wonder if they know something they're not telling, eh, mon vieux?

Old Jack Torode, he said the telecoms companies have to lay their own undersea cables to the UK so they can provide their service. Why shouldn't the fuel companies be responsible for getting their fuel here? He said perhaps when the telecoms lay their next cable, they could put it inside a pipeline. Then they could pump fuel to the island as well, eh?

And the Policy Council, they admitted they broke the rules to buy the ships, but they went ahead anyway for the good of the island. So these departments can act quickly when they want to, eh? When anyone else wants a quick decision, they have to get consultants' reports and debate it in the States and send it back for another report and have a public meeting and then they say they can't do anything until they get a change in the law, eh?

It's like the mental health law. It's needed updating for years, but now it's up for debate with other priorities, like the runway and the waste treatment plant and all the other things they've postponed. That might have changed now, mind, because I don't suppose spending £17m. on two fuel tankers was on their list, eh?

And do you know, they're still deciding what schools to close, Eugene? You know they said St Sampson's would close and St Andrew's stay open? Well, now the Education minister, she says they should both close, but her department wants St Andrew's to stay open and the Treasury minister is saying La Mare Primary should be closed before St Andrew's. I said to Jack, perhaps they should close the whole bloney lot and start again, them. They could move them all to that new site to Les Nicolles. After all, it's supposed to be purpose-built and modern and all that, eh? Bert, from L'Ancresse, he says they might as well, because they've had to change all the roads so much that nobody can get there except school traffic. Mind you, he says that's because it shouldn't have been built there in the first place and the land is so marshy, if they tried to build any more, the whole lot would probably just sink, eh?

But you know the States: it's all about money, mon vieux. And they're not very good at that, eh? I mean, they scrapped the motor tax and put the money on petrol instead, but now Treasury are admitting they're not making as much as they did from the tax discs. But when you think, they've been telling people not to use their cars so much, so why are they surprised when tax from petrol sales goes down?

I suppose it will be the same with the tobacco duty, mon vieux. They've spent money trying to get people to stop smoking and later they'll wonder why they're not getting so much in tax, eh?

And to make up for it, they're sneaking in extra taxes and hoping nobody will notice.

It said on the Press there's a waste-water charge coming soon, for the upkeep of the sewer network, which could be £150 per household, eh? But I thought that was paid for out of taxes already, Eugene. And part of it is supposed to go towards a sewage treatment plant, but the Public Services, they won't guarantee that. They say it will go towards investigations.

I suppose that means it will be spent on more consultants' reports and the States still won't have enough money to do anything, eh?

Mrs Tostevin, to the Stores, she was saying this black hole was going to be filled by growth and perhaps a bit of the rainy day fund, but now the States are talking about borrowing money, them. And would you believe, there's a group of businessmen who reckon they can get together millions of pounds and they've offered to lend it to the States to get them through the difficult times? When you think, other governments are lending money to help struggling businesses, but in Guernsey it could be businesses lending to a struggling government, eh?

And I don't know how they'd pay back any loan, Eugene. I mean, the only thing I've heard is a vague hope that tourists might come to Guernsey again because of the euro, but it seems to me they'll still find it bloney expensive to come here, eh? Perhaps they can bring them here on the States-owned fuel boats, eh?

I was saying to Jack, they used to tell visitors that Guernsey had an attractive Town, with no paid parking and cheap prices with no VAT, a French influence, a pretty harbour and quiet roads.

Caw, the Tourist Board is going to have to be pretty inventive now, eh?

There's a few people saying there should be a big English shop where Woolworth's used to be, but that would just make it more like England, eh? If they want Guernsey to be different, they should put a French shop there, or convert it to a market for fresh produce, since they've ruined the real Markets. There could be really fresh fish brought straight in to Woolworth's slip, eh? Old Jack, he said that would be good – while the fishermen are unloading their catch onto the shopping floors, others could be reviving an old Guernsey industry in the cellars, eh?

And I don't know if visitors will see any changes if they go to Sark, Eugene, but they had their first meeting of their new Chief Pleas the other week, to elect people onto committees.

And do you know, one of them, he was elected onto their road traffic committee? Caw, that makes you wonder what they've got planned for the future, eh?

A la perchoine,

Your cousin Emile.