If it's not the news it's the sweets

I'm fighting a losing battle.

There's no chance of avoiding this wedding if even food is getting in on it.

Clearly the Middleton family gene pool has finally ran dry of hobbit-esque triple cousins and food stuffs are the natural progression to keeping the joy alive.

'Stop the presses, pull that story on Kate's third cousin's wife's brother's mate riding a Union Jack unicycle, we've found a turnip in the shape of Prince William's head.'

I wonder if the fact it was a red speckled mango bean has any significance?

Don't even get me started on the fact people are willing to pay £500 for it.

It's only a matter of time before the food stories run out and we start to get the stories about the nutters who've given their dog a Kate Middleton haircut and stuck them in a dress, or had the Royal couple tattooed across their back.

I'd build a bomb shelter in the garden, stock it with supplies and try and camp out 'til the whole thing was over if I wasn't so afraid Kate Middleton's name would appear when I opened a tin of Alphabetti Spaghetti.