Book is personal tale of caring for a loved one with dementia

When her husband Alan was diagnosed with dementia in 2013, Pat Wisher said she would have appreciated advice that covered all the different stages of the condition from first-hand experience.

After his death in 2016, Mrs Wisher eventually decided to compile her diary entries and create an account of their life together.

‘I wanted to keep his memory alive and I felt very strongly that if your spouse gets an illness you should care for them at home, that’s the message.

‘I also kept in all of the mistakes I made. You will make a lot of mistakes.’

After meeting in 1960s London while both working for the BBC, Mr Wisher, a former radio producer, moved to Guernsey for an early retirement in 1999 along with Mrs Wisher, who was born in the island.

‘There are so many stages that people go through, I felt not many people knew that,’ she said.

The book is interspersed with touching moments and practical tips. It also includes more light-hearted anecdotes from a life partying in 1960s show business to appreciating the humorous moments.

The title of the book comes from Mr Wisher’s fondness for trips to Richmond kiosk as his illness progressed and he disliked having to stay in the house.

‘As we were on our way I’d ask him what kind of ice cream he’d like. He’d say “vanilla” but I think that was the only word he could remember. I’d say something like “no I think we’ll get something a bit more interesting” and so I’d get him coffee or rum and raisin, because I knew he must miss his drink.

‘They were wonderful at the kiosk, once he got a fondness for dipping chips in his ice cream. Then they would see me coming and turn the fryer on,’ she said.

The more commonly known symptoms of confusion are explained along with lesser known ones such as aggression with bouts of screaming.

‘We don’t have any children and my father died when I was young, my mother was very independent, so I had no experience of looking after anyone.

‘I remember I went to the park with a friend of ours when Alan was in his screaming stage. They suggested he might be hungry, thirsty or tired. I hadn’t thought of that,’ she said.

When Mrs Wisher married in her early 20s, she would not have envisaged the role of carer she would take on.

‘I knew him better than anyone. Many people suggested he go into a home – I knew how much he would hate that,’ she said.

There are accounts included of disagreements with health care professionals and suggestions on how to handle them. Also mentioned are ‘many marvellous’ doctors and nurses.

Funds raised by the sale of the Melody Press-printed book will go to local dementia and Alzheimer’s charities to help buy specialist home equipment like that which helped Mr Wisher in his final years.

‘He went through an emotional stage, always wanting goodnight kisses. He would look at me in the car and tell me I was beautiful, which he never did in all the time we were married. I said to enjoy that while it lasts,’ Mrs Wisher said.

n For more information about how to purchase one of the books, email patwisher@cwgsy.net.