‘We want all men to be aware we do not feel safe’

That is the message behind a new campaign led by Poppy Murray who aims to show that the narrative around sexual assault and gendered violence is not attempting to ‘demonise all men’.

To raise awareness of the issue and give men some advice on what they can do to help without vilifying them, she has developed the Just BE LADS campaign, intending to bring men and women together, rather than dividing them:

Be visible

Ease the tension by making a phone call

Look away, don’t stare

Active bystander

Distance yourself

Suggest walking your friend home

‘I, like many other women, was hit hard by the tragic news of Sarah Everard [who was killed] while she was walking home alone from her friend’s house,’ Miss Murray said.

‘Shortly after the news that her body had been found, the hashtag #notallmen was trending higher than Sarah’s name on social media – a clear indication of the message men wanted to send.’

This, she said, was men wanting to make it known that they are not all a threat to women.

‘Women know that it is not all men. But what a lot of men do not know is that all women feel unsafe when they are walking alone,’ she said.

‘Men also sometimes don’t feel comfortable intervening in case they come off as creepy or sexist, but the point of the BE LADS initiative is to highlight things guys can do without engaging with the woman.’

Most women will have been told at least a few tips to protect themselves; walking on well-lit streets where possible, messaging a friend when home safe and sharing locations.

As well, many are taught that throwing a handbag away if a man comes too close may make them go for the bag instead of the woman, the elbow is the strongest part of the body if you need to defend yourself, and keeping keys between your knuckles means they could be used as a weapon.

‘With cases such as Sarah Everard, emotions understandably run high and the outrage can lead to extreme opposing views. Particularly in this instance is the risk that men will be demonised. This is not what reasonable women want. We want all men to be aware that we do not feel safe,’ Miss Murray said.

‘I have spoken to a lot of men about this campaign who have been genuinely unaware that women are afraid to walk home in Guernsey and who want to do what they can to help ease the fear.

‘These men have offered invaluable contributions to the campaign and it has been fantastic to see so much support.’

She also spoke to men who did not believe that women feel unsafe walking alone and did not think men should be asked to change their behaviour.

While they were disheartening to hear, they served to highlight the need for this campaign.

‘Not believing something does not mean that it is not true: this is a problem for women in Guernsey,’ Miss Murray said.

Ultimately, she hopes this message will be taught in schools, be visible in pubs and restaurants and become a topic of conversation across all ages and genders.

Details of the Just BE LADS acronym

Be visible – It’s intimidating to know someone is around but not being able to see them. Make sure we can see you. Don’t hide in the shadows or keep you hood up. It helps us to see who you are.

Ease the tension by making a phone call – silence is scary. If you’re on the phone to a friend it helps to hear you and know that you aren’t talking about us. It also makes us more comfortable because, if you’re occupied with a phone call, you are less likely to be a threat to us.

Look away, don’t stare – We don’t know what you’re thinking or why you’re staring at us. It could be harmless and you might not even realise you’re doing it – but we do. Moving your attention away from us helps us to know you are less of a threat.

Active bystander – If you see a girl being followed, being harassed or being uncomfortable then step in. Call out your friends if they are making inappropriate comments or trying to walk with girls who are on their own. Ask us if we know the man/men or if we need/want any help. It helps to know we are not alone.

Distance yourself – If you’re walking the same way as us then following us might be unavoidable, but you can drop back to create distance or cross over to the other side of the road.

If you’re passing us, make sure we’re aware that you’re there, don’t sneak up on us. We know you have to walk home, too, but it makes us more comfortable if you aren’t following close behind.

Suggest walking your friends home – be aware that women do not feel safe walking alone. If a woman you know is going to walk, offer to walk with her. Do not offer to walk with women you don’t know unless she asks – your intention might be in the right place, but we don’t know that.

We might not want to be alone with you or tell you where we live.