Who lives in a house like this?

Regular contributor Trevor Cooper mulls over the type of property in which one of the world's most recognisable characters might live...

This distinctive property, as an estate agent would say, is superbly located in a remote yet picturesque and sought-after location. The spacious, detached house stands prominently within its own extensive grounds with panoramic views of the surrounding snow-covered fields interspersed with a colourful array of Christmas trees. There is a two-sleigh garage alongside the house and parking for numerous sleighs on the driveway, dutifully watched over by Frosty the snowman.

This, of course, is Santa's house. Press the front doorbell and a resounding, 'Ho, Ho, Ho' echoes cheerfully in the hall decked with boughs of holly. This custom dates back to pagan times when bringing evergreens such as mistletoe, holly and ivy into the home over the winter solstice signified a life force that carried with it the hope of renewed life.

Perhaps Santa's house lacks vases of freshly-cut flowers and beach pebbles stacked in the bathroom favoured in estate agents' photographs, but it nevertheless boasts (as an agent would say) many characteristic features. There is an inglenook fireplace (with a surprisingly wide chimney) and high ceilings that allow for a towering Christmas tree gaily festooned with twinkling lights (although 9% of these have been switched off since 1 October).

The origin of the Christmas tree is attributed to St Boniface, who in the 8th century prevented a child from being a pagan human sacrifice by cutting down the oak tree intended for use as the stake. A fir tree sprang up in its place, so St Boniface declared it holy and instructed the faithful to carry one to their homes and surround it with love and gifts. The triangular shape of a fir tree was also used by missionaries to symbolise the Holy Trinity. By the 11th century, these trees were hung with apples to represent the Tree of Life from the Garden of Eden and the now-traditional concept of Christmas trees is thought to have started in Germany during the 15th or 16th centuries.

Christmas trees are only part of the decorations we now adorn our homes with – although elf and safety regulations state that too many Christmas decorations can cause tinselitis.

Hanging beside the big fireplace in the sitting room is a Christmas stocking. This custom originated in the Netherlands about 400 years ago. Children would put wooden shoes next to the hearth on the eve of 6 December, the day traditionally associated with St Nicholas, or Sinterklaas. The shoes were filled with food for St Nicholas and straw for the white horse that carried the presents.

Lazing beside the roaring fire is Santa's faithful dog. He is a cross between a red Irish setter and an English pointer – a popular breed at Christmas known as a pointsetter.

Also in the sitting room are DVDs beside the television that include a recent remake of the Dickens seasonal favourite 'A Christmas Carol', starring the States Treasury and Resources Department.

The well-equipped kitchen in Santa's house has a separate oven for warming countless mince pies and there is also a pizza oven for when Good King Wenceslas visits – he likes his pizzas deep and crisp and even.

Next to his bedroom with the biggest, comfiest bed you ever did see, Santa has a dressing room full of fancy dress costumes. He especially likes to go to fancy dress parties as Tarzan and sing Jungle Bells, Jungle Bells.

The house already has enough accommodation, but Santa's architect has drawn radical plans for a contemporary extension that is fully glazed on all sides and has a domed glass roof that lets in the snow. The room tips upside down when Santa walks in and is shaken about before turning back the right way up.

Also on the property is a vast workshop that was formerly an old barn for which planning approval for change of use is expected to be granted following a successful meeting with the Environment Department. It was discovered that the property is neither within the Urban Area Plan nor the Rural Area Plan, prompting a three-year long review that will now include a Santa clause in the written policy.

Adjacent to the workshop are stables and a games room for the reindeers with a stable tennis table.

Further along and an unseasonal feature of the property is a swimming pool that never freezes over. Santa jokily calls it Jersey, as bizarrely it is always two degrees warmer than anything else around it.

Walking back to the front of the house, I just missed meeting Santa because, as in Clement Clarke Moore's poem, A visit from St Nicholas, Santa sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle/ And away they all flew like the down of a thistle/ But I heard him exclaim, 'ere he drove out of sight/ 'Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night.'