Hayley North: Home alone?

I have spent most of the last week of 2023 building an extensive Lego model of the house from the Home Alone film. It is fabulous, if I say so myself. It’s been a very solitary, yet satisfying experience building it. The theme of the house and the associated film has also had me pondering the concept of being Home Alone.

Most years I spend the majority of the Christmas holidays on my own, sometimes at home, sometimes elsewhere. I spent Christmas Day with my family this year and met up with other family mid-week, which was lovely. I have then spent my time pottering around my house, thinking. It’s fair to say that after a few days, there is way too much thinking going on. The good news is that as I have done this before, I have finally recognised the pattern (and thankfully things start to shift once January hits) but at the time it can take me to some sad places. It is worth talking about as we head into one of the year’s toughest and mysteriously longest months.

The Christmas holidays are a period of festivities, parties and gatherings. I love the glitter, sparkle and the entire period of advent. Family gets together, feuds are forgotten and we are all at peace with one another. At least that’s what the films tell us and that’s what most of us feel we are supposed to experience this time each year. In reality, by the time the first of January comes around, many are very excited to get back to their routines, work colleagues and customers and others are taking time to recover from either a lonely period or one that did not quite meet expectations.

In the Home Alone film, the experience of Kevin McAllister, the eight-year-old child accidentally left behind before Christmas as his family jet off to Paris for the holidays, is a mixed one. Initially, alone in a huge house with no annoying siblings or yelling parents, he relishes the time alone. He loves the freedom it gives him and he makes the most of jumping on his parents’ bed and eating unhealthy snacks. He watches forbidden films and makes a mess of his brother’s bedroom. He becomes resourceful, finding cash in the house and going shopping for groceries.

Yet as the hours pass, he becomes less confident that being on his own is what he wants for the longer term – he is convinced he has banished his family forever. Still, despite feeling a little lonely and afraid and not knowing if anyone will ever come home, he embarks on a wild adventure to protect the family home against scheming burglars, using creativity and summoning up all the courage he can muster.

Time alone can bring out our creative side, it can challenge us to be brave and give us time to confront feelings and thoughts we might have to hide away when others are around. It can be essential for some of us, giving us time to recharge and re-energise before we socialise again. Many of us need more time alone than others. It may well be a regular and happy part of life for many too. It can also remind us of what we value, what we enjoy and highlight the people we like to spend time with. It can also flag the things we really don’t miss and can happily live without.

I am one of the people on this island who lives alone and most of the time this makes my life calm, easy, happy and stress-free. Occasionally, at times like this, with prolonged periods of holiday or with an unusual amount of time alone as many experienced during the pandemic for example, it can get a little lonely. As we head deep into our wet and windy island winter, it can become challenging. My thoughts can easily run away with themselves and I don’t always feel as good about my life as I would like to at these times. I know I am not alone in feeling this way, whether home alone or not. Those of us who don’t live with other people are more vulnerable at times like this though. It can sometimes be quite the effort to make contact with others when we know they are snuggled up with their families at this time and it’s something others can easily forget.

January can be a bleak month in Guernsey, the weather can make going out or leaving the island much harder work and many places are closed, taking a well-earned rest after a busy Christmas. This just means it is easier for those isolated thoughts to go too far, to misrepresent where you are, how things are going and when they might improve.

Be mindful of everyone around you in the coming weeks, for many this month is more than just a fresh start, it is a significant struggle financially, emotionally or physically. Many are struggling with relationships that might have come under strain in recent weeks or the pain of loss of a loved one made more acute by the holiday period. Some might have found the additional time alone distressing; not everyone has spotted the pattern or is able to work their way out of a challenging spot on their own.

So it is important to be kind to yourself and remember that if you are struggling right now, you are not the only one and this time will pass as it always does. Summer is just around the corner. Reaching out can seem so hard at times like this but it is all the more important to keep checking in with others so you have a better perspective on the things that are on your mind. I can promise you that it is never as bad as it might seem.

If you are feeling OK then please do keep an eye on those you know and love who are home alone at this time, young and old (even those who profess to be happily hibernating), as they may well appreciate the hello or even a little help with a Lego model.

Happy New Year.