Rob Batiste: Taking of-fence

The old traditional Guernseyman is often a specialist in grumbling. They pass with first-class honours.

Yours truly is no different and as the island population gets ever older, the consequence is an island full of increasingly unhappy people.

For those who fly, good luck in reaching your destination.

For those who prefer sea travel, good luck getting between the islands.

For those who merely drive around the island, be ready to be bemused by diversions and being late.

Put it all together and it has become beyond silly and it has to be said, Guernsey’s infrastructure, planning and decision-making is a mess.

More proof came with the gob-smacking revelation that Education, Sport & Culture, a body so short of cash to redevelop Les Ozouets and a Sixth Form Centre that both projects are under threat, intends to waste goodness knows how much – but probably a six-figure sum – in putting up a 2.4m fence to separate Les Varendes and Memorial Field pitches.

It’s important, they argue and, because they are kind people, they will leave a 15cm gap at the bottom of the fence to allow the hedgehogs and mice through, the thought of which allows me to be able to sleep at night.

As bonkers ideas go, this fence takes the biscuit.

The two grounds have operated side-by-side for 55 years, Les Varendes coming on board circa 1969 by which time the ‘Memo’ had been staging its football, cricket and athletics for more than a decade.

Many a time in my Grammar School footballing days I happily hopped over the dividing hedge to retrieve a wayward shot and when I grew up to be playing bat and ball on the College side, it was rare for the ball to be smashed onto the Grammar side.

To my knowledge, not once in approaching six decades has anyone been hurt by a flying ball, but now ESC have bowed to some invisible pressure to yearn for a mesh fence sitting atop those sturdy banks.

What exactly the hidden worry is has not been revealed, merely hinted at with the mention of Ofsted. And, surprise surprise, the cost of this utterly needless fencing project has not been revealed.

Now, anyone who knows me well, will say I’ve never been political, but advancing age brings out the grumpy side of us all and after tuning into large chunks of last month’s States Budget debate I find myself so disillusioned I am disinclined to not even bother to vote at next year’s island-wide election.

What is the point when all we are likely to get is an Assembly incapable of making a tough decision, and in the rare case they do, sticking to it?

The latest case in point was the decision to stop incremental pay rises for civil servants, and then, less than 48 hours later, chuck it out under pressure from the unions.

But while the glass-half-empty side of me often thinks Guernsey is going down the tubes, the half-full element thinks ‘thank God we are not Shetland’.

Have you seen the new BBC series yet?

Who’d think a clutch of islands with a population barely a third of ours, could attract so much vicious crime, especially as none of their nasties up there can hide behind a tree, let alone deep in a forest.

Guernsey clearly has its problems – Aurigny, Condor, miles of roadworks, mountains of ugly scaffolding and weeds – but at least our folk are not being gunned down with shocking regularity and half the population are not engaged in drug-running or people trafficking.

We do have baddies though and as the ferry-route fiasco has highlighted, they mostly live 20-odd miles to the east of us.

Only joking my Jersey friends.

I genuinely do love your island but, admit it, you do love to push us around and there is a strong suspicion that your politicians have been much irked at the thought of Guernsey taking charge of the wheelhouse when it comes to renewing the ferry routes contract.

Being bigger, Jersey have long had an almost God-given right to dictate on cross-island matters.

In reality, that may not be the whole truth, but ask any true Guernseyman and woman, and that is a common belief. That is why you will see Jersey generally dominate the local ITV news, always claim to be windier when the air pressure drops, sunnier and hotter in summertime, colder with more snow in the depths of winter, and more astute when deciding who serves us best on the high seas.

I will, though, make one concession to the sister isle, and that is they make a far better fist of keeping their island clean.

While cash-strapped Guernsey gets ever scruffier and uncared for, Jersey positively shines in their outer parishes.

Which brings me to the exemplary short letter Art Allen-O’Leary penned to this paper under the headline ‘New attractions to liven up local tourism’.

I’m just about old enough to remember Art Allen as a local pop star with Village in the early 1970s which paved the way for stints with bands such as Mottley, Red Leader and the Bandits and, in 2024, with Liz and the Lightyears.

Art must now be pushing octogenarian age but he made me smile with his very much tongue-in-cheek piece, citing how Guernsey now had visual delights to pull in the tourists, such as scaffolding, noisy scooters and motorbikes, the mysteries of roadwork diversions, and the cost of a pint.

When Art started fronting bands Guernsey, indeed, looked a whole lot different with better values, possibly more skilled and certainly more assertive political leadership, had barely a scaffold pole in sight, clean roadsides and cheaper housing.

But, as too many of us often forget, not everything was sweet and lovely.

Town had more than its fair share of ugly, dilapidated or run-down buildings, and as we also saw in this paper a few weeks back, the beach kiosks were ramshackle or non-existent.

We are all guilty of looking at Guernsey’s past through rose-tinted specs and ignoring the benefits of modern life, of which there are too many to specifically mention.

One that warrants singling out though is our invariably under-played but skilful preservation of our wonderful Town seafront which, of course, knocks spots off St Helier’s, and the High Street and Pollet.

Yes, we could do without the scaffolding and get a few of those empty shops re-occupied, but let’s pat ourselves on the back for doing something right and showing the Caesareans what they are missing in their capital.

In town planning we have applied a great deal of common sense, but I only wish other bodies – ESC readily comes to mind – did so too instead of whittling away more of your and my taxes.