Sneaky paid parking is close to an extreme act

Cher Eugene,

I'm beginning to think I must be one of those people who can see into the future.

You know, a psychic or something? I don't suppose I should tell anyone, mind, or they'll be dragging me off to Tower Hill for a budloe, eh?

You know those predictions I sent you for what could happen in the coming year? Well, they're coming true, mon vieux.

There was a requete put to the States this week over the incinerator, but then someone put an amendment to it. And then there was an amendment to the amendment. And that chief minister, he even wanted to put a sursis on top of that.

Just like I said, some States members might be confused about the waste-to-energy technology, but in the end they must have been more confused about what they were voting for, eh?

It seems to me they could save a lot of paper in the Billet, and a lot of debating time, if they just put down all the amendments, and didn't bother with the original proposition, eh?

There's been some States members saying the States made a decision so they should stick to it. But it's funny how they don't do the same with other things, eh? I mean, the States made a decision on paid parking, but there's still a few who want to bring it back again.

They don't seem to realise no one wants that in Guernsey, eh? Like Jack said, the Guernsey donkey might be stubborn, but even he knows when he's flogging a dead horse, eh?

I was telling Jack, they've rented out some of the parking spaces to Beau Sejour to local people to park their cars, so that could be a crafty start to paid parking, eh?

But he said they've also given permission for those extreme sports youngsters to build a new skatepark there. The locals might not be so pleased about the parking spaces then, eh?

You remember, when they first said about the paid parking, it was to help the environment and get the people on the buses?

But they seem to have forgotten that now, and they're just desperate for anything to try and fill their black hole, eh?

There's even been talk about putting a tax on new vehicles when people buy them. But the newer cars are supposed to be more efficient, eh? If they put a tax on new cars, people will just keep the old ones for longer.

And if Jack cobbles any more bits onto his, hang, it will have a pedigree like his mongrel dog, eh?

If they want to save the environment and persuade people not to use cars, they could make the staff at Sir Charles Frossard House pay for their parking spaces, like the ones to Beau Sejour, eh?

Talking of Sir Charles Frossard House, there's been a fuss lately about how the Environment can give permission for some of the ugly buildings that have been put up. Some look just like square blocks of steel and glass put right in the middle of normal houses, eh?

There's been people asking how they got permission, but the Environment, they won't say why they allowed them. It seems the buildings are more transparent than the bloney planning process, eh?

And the Water Board want permission to move their offices to Best's Quarry now, so I don't know what that will look like.

At least they've finally agreed with the airport on a chemical which can be used to clear ice from the runway, though, so that's good, eh? Except that it won't be delivered until the spring, so that's not so good. Perhaps they could use it for watering the flowers instead, Eugene.

I have to say, I can't wait for spring this year, mon vieux. We've had it so cold for so long, us. And yet there's birds in the garden getting all frisky and trying to impress each other, so they're obviously preparing for spring, them. At times it's like the Pollet on a Friday night, eh?

Jack's got some redwings to his garden, and he said they come down from Scotland to escape the bad weather, so they could be here for some time, eh?

I suppose if they stay too too long the UK taxman will want to know where they're domiciled, eh?

But with the weather the way it is, it makes you wonder about all this global warming, Eugene.

I even heard one of these European committees wants to put a label on food saying what carbon footprint was used to make it.

I don't really know what a carbon footprint is, Eugene, but how's it going to work in Guernsey, with growing our own, and with the hedge veg stalls?

I could count how many times I walk up and down the greenhouse to get the tomatoes, but I don't suppose that's what they mean, eh?

I said to Jack, sometimes I'd like to put my footprint on some of these bloney European regulators, to make them see sense, eh?

I wonder what the carbon footprint of the buses is, mon vieux? Never mind the carbon, their ordinary footprint is too bloney big for Guernsey's roads, eh?

And I don't know if you've heard, but they've put new machines on the buses now, and they can't take the multi-trip tickets any more, so they've had to invent a new plastic card.

It's called the ormer card. It's a good name, Eugene, but I bet it doesn't work so well once it's been hammered and casseroled for hours, eh?

Jack said they've probably had to change because they get the machines from England, so we have to change our own system to suit.

That's like all these daft rules from the UK, like the health and safety regulations, eh?

Jack said he reckoned that's why it will cost so much to repair the air raid sirens. He said it's probably only a couple of pounds-worth of nuts and bolts, but it will be UK consultant's fees, and the planning application, and the environmental impact assessment and the health and safety risk analysis, and the training course for using a ladder, eh?

And they've probably got a quote from a UK firm, instead of asking the locals to do it, mon vieux.

Like that clinical block to the PEH, it cost millions of pounds and it was built by a Jersey firm, eh? But some of the direction signs are wrong, and it turns out now it was a UK firm that made them, for £65,000. They say the letters are only stuck on, so they can come over and change them. But I was thinking, me, I'm sure a local firm could stick some letters on signposts, eh?

Jack said with all this talk about keeping jobs in Guernsey, someone should stick something on the States departments, but then he went into the patois and I don't think I should put what he really said in a letter, Eugene!

I'll write to you again soon, mon vieux, in the meantime,

A la perchoine,

Your cousin Emile