Viva Forever? ...No thanks

IT’S the pop reunion no one thought would ever happen again, or so the PR blurb goes. Dust off your platform trainers. The Spice Girls are back.

When I say ‘back,’ I’m not really sure how back they are. I’ve read that they won’t perform, or record, or do any of the things a band is supposed to do but hey, they’re each getting a cool £10m. to do something, so let’s not be cynical. One of the biggest pop groups to have ever graced these British Isles, nay, the world, is making a comeback. Of sorts. But does anyone really care?

In an era of #MeToo and women’s marches, can the band’s prettily packaged take on Girl Power really cut it any more? We’ve come a long way since the ’90s, feminism is firmly woven into the fabric of conversation, and I’m not so sure the jokey peace signs, jiggling boobs and banter have aged quite as well as Victoria Beckham’s flawless complexion.

Baby, Posh, Scary, Sporty and Ginger – even the once endearing nicknames feel old hat. In the case of Baby, it’s actually a bit icky. And Scary? Hmm, that also feels problematic. Which is why it might be time to leave the Spice Girls in the past. And I say this from a place of love.

I don’t want to knock the Spice Girls. True, Emmeline Pankhurst never appeared on a chocolate bar wrapper, or pinched Prince Charles’s bottom, but the feminist movement is a wide and varied thing – it literally comes in waves.

Girl power became the battle cry and yes, it’s easy to dismiss it as frothy, regressive to the feminist cause and nothing more than a superficial slice of music industry marketing. But for a generation of women, the Spice Girls flew the flag for female empowerment and feisty independence, even if it did involve wearing a crop top.

Girl power isn’t exactly the most academic take on feminism – and let’s not forget the band made more money for the men who masterminded it than the women who fronted it – but it was a simple, surface take on the movement. It made feminism accessible.

Here were ordinary women on the TV saying that it was OK, as a girl, to make noise, to take up space, to be bold and brash and louche – and to do it all with other women. The message that through female solidarity and self belief you can achieve anything you want, really really want, was and still is a positive one.

There are multiple ways to be a feminist and multiple ways to become one, but the influence of a girl group brimming with ambition and bolshiness on a whole generation of young women shouldn’t be underestimated. By today’s standards, no, the Spice Girls weren’t ideal feminists. But they got millions of girls thinking about their cultural relevance as young women, and for that, I’ll always be grateful.

So why aren’t I sold on the big reunion? Because no matter how many chokers we put on, we can never go back to 1997. What point is there in asking five women to return to the roles they played in their late teens and early 20s? We can’t relive the magic of our tweens. We can’t pause time. And we should know better than to think we can.

The Spice Girls were brilliant because they were messy, flawed and fearless in a pop landscape previously dominated by men. Their genius was that they were like us, just a bit shinier. But unless you own a fashion empire, eat gold-plated cornflakes for breakfast and have Tom Cruise on speed-dial, you don’t have much in common with Vicky B any more.

The music world is currently enjoying a glut of forthright, powerful women. Deep down, do any of us really want to be in their gang any more? Heck, the band themselves didn’t want to be in their gang for decades. But above all, nothing takes the sheen off female friendship quite like rediscovering your sisterly solidarity in return for a big fat pay cheque.

YOU know the way you waste away Sundays by lounging in your towel doing naff all for hours after your shower? Well, that’s now a trend. Just remember to snap a few selfies and you’re pretty much an Instagram ‘influencer’.

Welcome to the world of bathleisure, a rising Instagram trend that has made reclining around in your bathrobe not only acceptable, but very, very chic.

It’s not only good news for bathrobes, which have endured some bad press of late – here’s looking at you, Harvey Weinstein – but it also offers hope to those of us who could never really get behind the whole athleisure trend.

Sporting neon gym wear to lunch and donning patterned yoga pants out for coffee never really felt very me. Lolling about in a dressing gown with a towel on my head, however, seems much more in keeping with my personal truth. Finally, realistic high fashion goals I can aspire to.