Why Town's in trouble

In order to shop in Town, first you have to get there, so after spending 40 minutes driving the six whole miles that I live from Town through what seems to be endless road construction and diversions, past the ever increasing cyclists, only to have them pass you in that mysterious centre lane that only exists for them at traffic lights, filters and anywhere cars have to stop and wait their turn, you must then find a parking space. You will only be able to find a space for three hours or less. This is because, as we were told by our local States member, the 10-hour spaces are hogged by those selfish people who work in Town and they snap the few available spaces up at ungodly hours of the very early morning.

Anyway, so after parking, you must come armed with a plan of military precision, no leisurely shopping, as you must hurry to get back to your car before the increasingly enthusiastic traffic wardens are forced to ticket you for over parking or deceiving them by changing your clock. The important thing is to never spend in excess of your allotted three hours or less in Town.

Of course, you could always take the bus and then not worry about parking or driving – you just need to find the ever changing, constantly 'temporarily suspended' and moved to god knows where bus stop.

So find a bus stop if you're lucky, and then you can take a lovely scenic tour of the island because whatever bus shows up does not necessarily head for Town.

Then there is always the bicycle. With its special centre lane you can avoid the traffic … at least until the light changes and everyone gets to travel at bicycle speed behind you. Oh joy, it must feel like leading a parade! I find this big push for bicycles has been very helpful for getting traffic moving at an ever slowing pace. Then you have the pleasure of getting to Town dripping with sweat and then going into the shops to try on clothes. I'm sure the merchants are ecstatic to see heavily sweating people head for the changing rooms with stacks of their pristine clothes to try on.

You will have the time to meet up with friends for lunch (no parking tickets for bicycles) but they may make your sweaty self sit and stink at another table.

So you are finally in Town, whichever way you have chosen to travel there. Now what? You start going in to the shops. One by one you realise that they are all selling the same thing and whatever size you want will need to be ordered. They will have it in the colour you don't want or the wrong size but not to worry as they will be able to order from another store in six to eight weeks ... maybe. Oh and you will be charged an additional shipping fee.

There are always the little boutiques, which do actually have some unique items in them. Of course, you need your bank manager on speed dial to approve the loan you would need in order to shop in these stores but, hey ho, we are all wealthy in Guernsey. You then notice that many of the shops are charging more than the VAT price you would get if you were shopping in the UK. Why, you ask – we don't pay VAT. The shop keepers will then tell you it is to compensate for the shipping costs. You may start to believe it until you go to Herm, where the shop actually takes the VAT off and you wonder if they can manage with the extra ferry and presumably extra shipping costs to get there, then why can't the Guernsey merchants?

It must be the astronomical rent that the poor Guernsey merchants are forced to pay to their UK landlords for the joy of having a shop in the centre of Town.

But finally, don't worry because the States members in their infinite wisdom will start charging for parking once everyone can agree on the greatness of our bus service. In the meantime they will debate whether putting our own GST tax on goods will generate enough income for new services. So that should help with people wanting to shop locally.

KIMBERLY NEWMAN,

Yoshiwara,

Rue Rocheuse,

GY7 9LQ.