An election 'moanafesto' (A round-up of the 'not-so-good times' of the past four years)

I fret about the £2m. spent by PSD on off-island waste strategy consultants with still no clear end result in sight, of harbour directors, leisure managers and more assistant harbour masters than you can shake a stick at, the top secret health and safety consultant's report which led to the near £1m. cruise liner changes (including harbour dredging, new pontoons, an assortment of different length £100,000-plus gangways), £30,000 plastic planters, parking disruptions, the sea front traffic jam farce (including £800 per day crossing-of-death overtime policemen).

Then there's the thought that more than half of my monthly petrol bill is syphoned off in fuel tax in order to avoid the embarrassment of a £28m. Environment cheque to the bus company bouncing, or the extremely close shave over paid parking (short change out of £1,500 per year in Jersey), the new vehicle first registration tax, change-of-vehicle-ownership charges, driving test and driving licence fee hikes – which all fits in so perfectly with a Board member describing the motoring public as a cash cow.

There's the loss of North Beach long-term parking to accommodate the requirements of a disastrous new ferry, a P1 country bus service that cost £144,000 to run and took in £1,700 in fares, the non-repair of the Fermain wall, the intention to allow L'Ancresse Common to be eroded by the sea, and the hundreds of thousands wasted on off-island consultants when a simple question put to the local crowd at a Friday night meat draw would likely produce a better common sense solution...

I would struggle to put my cross against anyone who has served on T&R, PSD or Environment in the last four years.

I ruminate over whether or not the decision to close St Andrew's and St Sampson's schools was the right one. Is the decision to kill off the Grammar School the right one? Is the decision to strip the colleges of grant funding the right one? Have they worked out how much they need to cut child allowance by to fund the promised 15 hours of 'free' pre-schooling yet?

I ask myself if the bells and whistles spec for La Mare de Cartert at £67m. (at time of writing) is more to do with the warm glow of potential design awards and legacies than it is to do with the basic/essential requirement to educate our children. I ponder whether it should be rebuilt on a bog.

I mull over whether I should bother to participate in any future States tick-box consultation exercises if the results can be ignored because the wrong people took part.

I would struggle to put my cross against anyone who has served on Education in the last four years but at least I know that this is our election – our choice (Don't be cynical… it's actually true this time… honestly)...

I dwell upon the multi-million pound overspends at HSSD, three new political boards in one term, the inordinate number of highly paid, pen-pushing, clipboard carriers watching over the lesser-paid, harder working, front-line nursing staff, the even more highly paid tier of senior managers watching over the clip board carriers, the millions spent on agency nurses, the need for private lotteries and charity events to fund certain operations, the thousands lost due to lax security over free or not free medical prescriptions, the HSSD board's continued in-fighting, the Alderney doctor fiasco...

I would struggle to put my cross against anyone who has served on HSSD in the last four years.

I query how much FTP actually achieved in genuine savings. Much of it appears to have been a smoke and mirrors exercise at considerable cost in Capita consultancy fees. Was moving the money held in one account to another account an actual saving? Was selling more lottery tickets an idea worthy of a 6% consultancy fee? Has the SAP all-singing, all-dancing, multi-million computer system got over the massive early teething problems?

On the matter of teething problems I wonder if the Condor debacle will ever be sorted via C&E's very leaky service agreement, or if Project Proteus, a Dairy petting farm or a local branch of the Bank of China will ever see the light of day.

How long does C&E need to do something about the lack of space for 'Fred in the Shed' small companies? How much evidence do they need before they accept that white-van-man is having a detrimental effect on local traders? Has too much of their time been taken up trying to save an unprofitable hotel from being developed into a much-needed care home?

I muse over whether I'll still be above ground when Paul '10-year' Whitfield's urgent re-organisation of the ballooning Civil Service and its crippling wage bill actually comes about, and how many more £150,000-per annum staff will be recruited on the way to achieving the promised vital savings.

I would struggle to put my cross against any minister who has ignored this elephant in the room in the last four years.

Forget the Islamophobia gaffe, I worry that this latest worst States ever has, in the blue corner, opened the door to mass immigration in the form of unlimited numbers of aunts, uncles, first cousins, parents and grandparents of anyone who purchases a house in the island.

At the same time, in the red corner, loose talk mid-term appears to have almost killed off interest in the open market and the well-intentioned continuation of partial ownership must share some of the blame for the flat-lining of the first-time buyer housing market.

Meanwhile Environment continue to issue permissions to build new estates of overpriced rabbit hutches, which don't sell but help to fill a 300-per-year new house-build tick-box target set in stone in a different era.

I cogitate about being up to my ears in visions, game plans, strategies, blueprints and modal changes and whatever other hare-brained schemes are dreamt up in committee boardrooms. It must not be forgotten that States Boards are made up of a £50,000 per annum minister and four other deputies.

Ministers quite rightly have to take all the flak when things go wrong but what about the nodding donkeys around the boardroom tables? They must have agreed to allow the more outrageous projects to progress beyond the office walls. Outrageous enough in some cases to bring about public demonstrations of disquiet… good gracious… public demonstrations in little ole quiet backwater Guernsey.

What about the usual crop of submarine deputies and old duffers who only surface around election time? Have they been worth their £35,000-pa pin money (soon to be £37,000) these last four years? I am beside myself that no fewer than 30 of the 2012-2016 intake believe that they have earned the right to ask for another four years.

I would struggle to put my cross against any of the nodding donkeys, submariners or old duffers.

There is a golden opportunity on 27 April to show the door to some of those who are re-standing while basically relying on little more than the fact that they have not rocked the boat for the last four, eight or even 12 years. Many of them will be seasoned old-age pensioners at the end of the new term. Perhaps it is time to think carefully about some of those widely known but otherwise unremarkable individuals, to say thank you for your past service but times have changed and there is no longer a £3,000 per month reward for those who have enjoyed an easy ride for so long.

I would struggle to put my cross against any candidate who will be a seasoned OAP by the end of the new term.

Several 'yesteryear rejects' are chancing their arm again. I would need to know if they had been spurned by the previous electorate or if they had voluntarily stood down, perhaps for family or business reasons, and what they had achieved in public or business life in their gap years

I would struggle to put my cross against any returning candidate who had been unable, over a period of four or more years, to convince the 2012 electorate that he was worthy of another shot.

That's the moanathon over and it's only fair to add balance with some of the success stories I suppose.

The LGBTQ community will soon be happy ever after.

Sunday trading hasn't brought about an apocalypse.

It was a good decision to permit the third sector to clear the overgrown shrubbery at La Vallette and the Halfway.

The new small garden opposite the North Side chippy looks good too.

So will I struggle to turn out on election day? Will the (up to) six candidates that I am allowed to vote for in my mini district be able to make any real difference?

I know I should and I probably will but it might just depend on the weather.

Name and address withheld.