Education vote could be close – and these are the reasons why

1. Although island-wide voting is still three-and-a-half years away, it will not be lost on some of our more precariously-placed deputies that if the equality for all dumb-downers do win the day, the timescale involved in destroying the Grammar School centre of excellence will likely make it the major election issue in June 2020. Memories may fade, but that other centre of excellence . . . the Guernsey Hansard . . . will allow the debate to be revisited in all its glory.

2. I presume that all the newbie ladies who were exclusively coached at taxpayers' expense to help them pass the 2016 election exam will surely abstain, if only on moral grounds.

3. While all deputies should have a general vested interest in our education system, those deputies with a 'special' vested interest such as children or grandchildren in fee- paid education will surely abstain, if only on moral grounds.

4. Any deputy with the wherewithal to sell up and purchase a house within the catchment area of the least-worst school under a new one- size-fits-all comprehensive system will surely abstain, if only on moral grounds.

5. All deputies whose parents told them that they were failures for not passing their 11-plus must still be suffering from the much-touted lifelong trauma and will surely abstain, if only on moral grounds.

6. All deputies who served on the 2012-2016 Education board will surely abstain, if only on moral grounds (OK there's only one … all the others were sacked or jumped ship).

7. Any deputy who truly believes that the wrong people replied to the 2012-2016 Ed board's survey will surely abstain, if only on moral grounds.

8. Any deputy who has the wherewithal to buy their children a good education despite an inevitable hike in college fees will surely abstain, if only on moral grounds.

9. Any deputy who has not wondered why the 2012-2016 Education board allowed 139 places at the Grammar School centre of excellence to be left unfilled will surely abstain, if only on grounds of indifference.

10. Any deputy who hasn't made the time to Google 'Failure of the UK education system' will surely abstain, if only on grounds of incompetence.

11. Any deputy who keeps a copy of Karl Marx's The Communist Manifesto on their bedside cabinet will surely abstain, if only on grounds of dogmatism.

12. Any deputy who did attend the Grammar School will surely abstain, if only on grounds of nostalgia.

As always there will be some deputies who manage to engineer an excuse to be absent from the Assembly on the day of this highly controversial vote, which actually makes a close 8-6 either way vote quite generous.

Perhaps it might end up 7-7, in which case the presiding officer will have to declare for the status quo.

Three cheers for the status quo

Name and address withheld.