Death with dignity: ‘If it goes the way I hope, I’l be happy’

A wonderfully special and brave man who died on the 28 April 2017, with me at his side, at that extremely caring and important place Dignitas. He died in the way he’d hoped. He was happy. Obviously he’d have been happier still if he’d been allowed to die in his own bed, in his own home, in his own country. Not have to travel to a foreign land.

He made 19 short videos before he died and I quote from one. Andrew said this in a video he made on 1 April 2017:

‘There is a notion in our culture that being ill and having a proper death are about being in bed, faculties gone, dribbling, can’t function any more – you’ve given it a good shot.

If you check out before that, I don’t know what you’re cheating but it’s probably ‘‘not done’’, not culturally acceptable any more. Part of this has grown up because of the vanity and ambitions of the biomedical establishment. No one must die, everyone must fade and hang in there with tubes and drugs and resuscitation.

‘I don’t want to end my life like that. I don’t count it a noble or appropriate death, one where I’m dribbling, can’t think, can’t speak, can’t move, in pain, lots of drugs. Why? Why is this more legitimate for me to wait until I’m in that condition?

‘I don’t want that, I don’t know anyone who wants that.

‘People should be allowed, if there is a way, and frankly we shouldn’t have to go this expensive route. People should be allowed and helped to go in a more civilized manner. Still able to talk and go with a measure of control.

‘I’ve done my best to live my life with integrity and also to have a good time and to learn something. As I come to the end of it, if I can have a measure of control, avoid the really ugly bits that we spare our dogs. Suffice to say, I think it is not noble or heroic or appropriate for me to wait until I’m a gibbering, drooling mess. If I can go while I still have some dignity, can still think then that pleases me.

‘I have no future that amounts to anything that is pleasurable, or useful. I can’t write in a week or two or the very most a month. I’ll end up in hospital – something is going to pop, I’m blowing up and changing colour. If it goes the way I hope, I’ll be happy.’

Here is an obituary of him: https://www.theguardian.com/media/2017/may/22/andrew-tyler-obituary

SARA STARKEY

12a Ashburnham Road,

Tonbridge,

Kent,

TN10 3DU.