Bad grammar – what could be worserer? be worserer?

I too deplore the misuse and omission of the apostrophe and the demise of the Apostrophe Society founded by John Richards. All power, I say, to Lynne Truss (of Eats, Shoots and Leaves fame) for using a marker pen to make necessary corrections in the way Steve’s friend Pam annotated menus (menu’s?). There’s a chap in Bristol (not the artist Banksy) who goes out at dead of night to amend shop signs.

Steve mentions hedge veg stalls as (un)happy hunting grounds for the so-called greengrocer’s apostrophe. My friend Ken Tough recently observed that the disappearance of specialised fruit and veg shops in the UK was generally due to an acute shortage of apostrophes. However, there is a tale of a chap entering a greengrocer’s to complain about the use of ‘banana’s’, ‘potato’s’, etc. The proprietor chuckled and commented that he’d lost count of the number of people who’d come in for that very same purpose. Most entered into a conversation and few left without buying something. Perhaps Steve’s public relations colleagues and the parallel advertising trade should think about that as a marketing tactic?

I was interested to see Steve’s article illustrated with a sign reading ‘unsuitable for H.G.V’s’. Is this to be preferred to the one near the bogs (bog’s?) in Saumarez Park reading ‘HGV vehicle access’? Anyone for tautology?

Like your columnist, I have had a brush with the Guernsey Press style guide after having been invited in the 2000s to proofread the paper by Richard Digard. Does anyone there remember that role? I don’t recall the preference of ‘former’ for ‘ex’, but I do object to such house names as The Old Vicarage. It implies a building of some antiquity but one still housing a clergyman. The Former Vicarage?

I know GP house style abhors the semi-colon: this leads to a two-clause sentence separated by only a comma. And what about the lane named after Mr Foote which always nowadays appears in the sports pages sans apostrophe?

I occasionally exchange text message’s with a friend in which we deliberately misuse the apostrophe. Perhap’s such text’s will result in future generation’s adopting our idiosyncrasy’s.

Correspondent’s note: the Guernsey Press accepts no responsibility for the above blatant misuse of a much loved punctuation mark. Please direct your complaints to me and not to this esteemed organ.

SIMON COOMBE

Address withheld.