Lockdown, laws and landslides

Cher Eugene,

I SUPPOSE you’ve heard by now, Eugene, we’re in another lockdown, us.

All the pubs and restaurants are closed, and even the schools, eh? It was a bit of a shock, I can tell you, after we’d been all pleased about doing better than Jersey, eh?

The thing is, the health board, they suddenly found four cases they couldn’t account for, and they didn’t want it to spread. In the end they tracked someone down to the Ship & Crown so anyone who’d been there had to isolate at home. They said it applied to everyone who was there between the Monday and the Friday. Mick, from Fermain, he wanted to know if they meant continuously, eh?

There was that dance festival on at Beau Sejour as well, Eugene, with hundreds of children taking part, so they all had to isolate as well.

Jack Torode said he was chatting to Mrs Tostevin, to the stores, about it. She was looking after her grandchildren and she said if he thought organising 700 children in a dance festival was tricky, he should try entertaining three of them at home during lockdown, eh?

I was chatting to Mick on the phone because we weren’t allowed to meet to the slip, like we normally do. He’d been down to check his boat, and he said there’s these pebble stacks appeared on the sea walls again, so people must be making them when they’re out for their walks.

Mind you, it didn’t take long for one of the Environment committee to say how they could be dangerous, like they did last year. They said they could fall on people or damage cars in winter storms. Mick said he doesn’t remember anyone getting hurt last year, and you don’t need pebble stacks to get damage driving along Perelle in a winter storm; he knows from experience, eh?

He said instead of telling people what’s bloney obvious, perhaps the Environment should ask people to stack them to the bottom of Fermain wall, or to the Havelet slip. That would be more useful, eh?

He was saying there was another landslide to Fermain last month and he heard the States specialist say it had been caused by heavy rainfall. He wanted to know how much training you had to have before you could work that out, eh?

And you should have heard him, mon viaer, when the environment said they were waiting for borders to reopen so they can get people to fix it. Like he said, they had long enough before the borders got closed, eh?

And why do they need outside people to fix it anyway? After all, it was local people who built it. He did add that he was guessing that, mind – he said he’s not old enough to remember himself.

Talking of the States, do you know their last meeting got delayed by a week, because the law that allowed them to hold meetings by video call had expired?

When the lockdown came the law officers had to sort out the law before any States meetings could take place. Jack Torode, he said caw, the law officers had their chance then, eh?

And here’s a funny thing, mon viaer: you know they’ve said it will cost thousands of pounds to put special equipment in the royal court house to enable electronic voting? Well, when they had their virtual meeting, they managed to vote on propositions just using their mobile phones.

So now that deputy from St Sampson’s, the one with the hat, he’s said they could do the same when they’re back in the States chamber. That would be electronic voting on the cheap, eh?

I said to Jack, I’m beginning to like some of these new States ideas, me.

I haven’t watched any virtual States meetings, Eugene, but I saw one of those briefings from that Civil Contingencies committee. I was telling Jack, there seems to be a mute button that some of them forget. If that one in the hat could get those installed in the States chamber as well, that could be one of the best improvements this term, eh?

I phoned Bert, from L’Ancresse, last week, and he was complaining how some are using the lockdown as an excuse. Like the last States; they promised they’d reduce the number of civil servants by 200, by the end of 2020. But when a business group asked why it hadn’t happened, that civil service chief, he said it was because of the pandemic.

And then he said there was Brexit as well. And the island-wide voting, that got in the way too. Bert said he was waiting for him to say the dog ate his homework.

And Bert was saying about Longue Hougue, that’s closed with the lockdown as well, but when it opens you won’t be allowed to pay with cash any more. He said that just plays into the hands of the banks, who want everyone to do everything online these days.

Like the National Provincial, they’ve closed their branch on the Bridge, and the one to Cobo, so he has to go to Town now if he wants to pay in a cheque.

He said the Environment want to reduce queues to Longue Hougue, but if you don’t have a bank card, or it’s not in your overalls, the queues will just get worse, eh?

I said to him, if the banks get their way and we can’t use cash, they might as well put a new skip to Longue Hougue for all the piggy banks to get dumped.

I said it’s a States-run service provided for taxpayers, and when you think, if we use cash we’re probably paying with their banknotes. They’re refusing their own money, eh?

But you know the Environment department, I said to Bert I don’t suppose they asked locals how to reduce the queues, they probably paid some UK consultants to do a review instead. I wonder if they paid in cash?

Anyway, I need to phone Mrs Tostevin, to the stores, because she said she’d get me some face masks. She even said she’d make me one if she had time, so that was good of her, eh?

Bert said I should be careful with that, I might end up with some her grandchildren made as a project, eh?

It’s because this Civil Contingencies, they’ve made it compulsory to wear a face mask inside public buildings now, so I need to get some more in case I go out again.

I heard some people saying it should be compulsory even outside but I don’t see how they could force people to wear one outside, mon viaer. I mean, where would it stop? The next thing we could have Public Health saying everyone has to wear a warm coat in winter. And banning these people who still wear shorts even though it’s freezing in January, eh?

Talking of masks, I nearly forgot, I went to get my vaccination to Beau Sejour yesterday. I had to wear a mask there as well. But I’ll tell you what, they’ve got a slick operation there, mon viaer. Everyone is checked in and out and you’re told where to go and you’re done and through in no time. It works like clockwork. Not the weighbridge one mind, eh?

I said to Mick, caw, if you ask me the airport security people could learn a few things from that, that’s for sure.

Anyway, I hope you manage to stay safe over there, and I’ll write again soon, mon viaer.

A la perchoîne!

Your cousin, Emile