Darth Vader (Star Wars et al), as played by Dave Prowse and James Earl Jones
It’s fair to say that Darth does go on a kind of journey as a dad. Admittedly he spends most of the runtime of those three great Star Wars movies attempting to murder his family, even to the point of lopping off his son’s hand at one point. But he does get there in the end, at a fairly large cost to himself. He’s limited of wardrobe colour and basically a walking asthma attack that surely must impact on his ability to sneak up on people, but DV does the full circle here, from inflexible, Empire-obsessed nutjob who’s approach to family issues is basically ‘Join me on the Dark Side or I’ll squash your throat’, to lobbing the Emperor over the bannisters to rescue his electrically-sparking son. All credit to Luke here for the level of forgiveness on show at the end and his ability to drag Darth’s body onto his ship at the end of Return Of The Jedi, as that bloke must weigh a ton.
But here’s the thing: beneath the cape, the wheeze, and the casual genocide, Vader is a dad who cares. His whole arc is basically one long, dramatic attempt at reconnecting with Luke.
Good dad role model? Eventually… after several murders.
Cameron Poe (Con Air), as played by Nicolas Cage
Cult Movie Guernsey loves Nicolas Cage with a passion. Cage is not an actor, he is a performer, and in Cult Movie Guernsey’s book, that’s even better (see Vampire’s Kiss, the greatest Nicolas Cage performance of all time). Cage’s Cameron Poe is what happens when you mix Southern charm, a really impressive mullet, and the emotional intensity of a man who has spent far too long writing letters to a daughter he’s never met. He’s the only dad in cinema who survives a plane full of murderers, terrorists, and Steve Buscemi’s hugely fun serial killer, just so he can hand his kid a slightly squashed stuffed bunny.
As a dad role model, Poe is most definitely one to include. He’s the kind of dad who solves problems exclusively through punching, kicking, or politely warning someone that they’re about to be punched or kicked. Especially if they refuse to put said bunny back in the box.
Poe is more than a man in a vest on a plane, he is loyal, hangs around with John Cusack, runs in slow motion with his ludicrous hair flapping in the wind and will get back to his daughter in time to present that bunny. Good dad role model? Eventually… after several murders, in self-defence.
Clark Griswold (National Lampoon’s Vacation), as played by Chevy Chase
Cult Movie Guernsey often thinks that the world would be a better place if more people watched Chevy Chase movies made between 1978 and 1984 (and that includes the uncredited cameo in the video for Ghostbusters by Ray Parker Jnr). Chase’s Griswold first pops up in National Lampoon’s Vacation, and immediately cornered the market in deluded dads, driven by insane levels of optimism, desperation for everyone to have a good time and the occasion stunning supermodel in a very sexy car.
Every disaster, every meltdown, every dead relative strapped to the roof of his car is driven by an admirably misguided love for his kids. Clark Griswold is proof that fatherhood isn’t about perfection. It’s about trying, failing, trying again, failing harder, and then bribing your children with theme park tickets until they forgive you.
Good dad role model? Eventually, and it’s not a murder, but the efforts taken with the body are questionable.
Bryan Mills (Taken), as played by Liam Neeson off of the voice of Aslan in the Lion, The Witch And The Wardrobe
Bryan Mills is the father every teenager secretly wants and every European tourist board fears. When his daughter is kidnapped, he doesn’t call the police or panic, he simply activates his inner murder machine and begins dismantling the entire continent one Albanian at a time.
Bryan has a very special set of skills.
As a father role model, Bryan is both inspiring and deeply concerning. On one hand, he’s fiercely devoted, attentive, and willing to cross borders, laws, and moral boundaries to protect his child. On the other hand... he crosses borders, laws, and moral boundaries to protect his child and does loads of murders.
Good dad role model? Eventually…after a very significant amount of murders.
Seok-woo (Train To Busan), as played by Gong Yoo
Seok-woo starts Train To Busan as the kind of dad who thinks ‘quality time’ means forwarding a bank statement. He’s emotionally absent, career-obsessed, and definitely not deserving of a Father’s Day card.
But then when psychotic plague victims dripping gore drop in on the commute, he’s forced into the most intense crash course in fatherhood ever filmed. He goes from ‘barely present’ to ‘I will fight an entire train full of zombie like commuters for my kid’.
In about 93 minutes.
So, a fairly zippy transformation too, that is inside the Cult Movie Guernsey run-time for all good movies.
Good dad role model? Eventually… and I’m not sure they count as murders if they are kind of already a bit dead.
Vito Corleone (The Godfather), as played by Marlon Brando
Vito Corleone is the warmest, gentlest, most affectionate crime lord you’ll ever meet. He’s the kind of dad who’ll stroke a cat, give you life advice, and then casually order the execution of someone who annoyed you.
As a father role model, he’s complicated. He loves his children fiercely, but he also raises them in an environment where ‘family business’ involves more bullets than birthdays. He’s definitely a bit good and bad in the dad department. He’s nurturing, wise, loyal… and catastrophically dangerous. However, he does insist on the bullet-ridden corpse of his son getting a lick and polish before being seen by the rest of the family though. And that’s clearly a plus.
Good dad role model? Ummm, well, there’s certainly lots of murders.
It’s not easy being a dad. Cut them some slack tomorrow and take them out for a pint.
Cult Movie Guernsey’s next showing at The Mallard is one of the best Stephen King adaptations ever, Carrie, on Thursday 2 July at 7pm. Tickets are available via The Mallard website now. It doesn’t feature any dads, but the mum in it is really quite something.
