Sorry seems to be the hardest word... but it needn’t be

LET’S imagine a scenario. You’re a pilot. You’re bringing an aeroplane full of people into land and something unexpected happens. No one knows about it except for you and your co-pilot – unless you tell them. The error results in a near miss and no harm is done, but harm could have been done had the mistake not been immediately rectified. What do you do?

In many of our work environments – assuming most of us are not commercial pilots – this is not an easy dilemma. No harm was done and no one noticed so surely we can just let out a big sigh, ignore it and move on. We can sweep that mistake under the carpet. The thing is somebody else, possibly thousands of other people, could benefit from that mistake being made public and lessons being learned from it, if we were just brave enough to tell them about it.

Fortunately for all of us, as many of you will know, the airline industry is unique in having an exceptional safety record due to the sharing of these very mistakes and their solutions.

There is no shame and there are no penalties attached to logging mistakes and reports are shared across companies and countries to continuously improve safety for everyone and we all benefit from this.

Now imagine for a moment what would happen if we applied the same rules to our own industries and our day-to-day lives? How much time, energy and heartache could be saved coming up with common solutions to not just dangerous issues that come up but also less worrying, day-to-day mistakes.

When I make a mistake, which is often, I first feel a bit queasy as I realise what I’ve done (or not done) and then the resignation sets in. I know I need to confess and make it right if I can but I always hesitate. There are so many other alternatives available. I could blame someone else, although that rarely sits right with me. I could blame a system error and this one is definitely the strongest contender. A victimless crime, if you will, as computers don’t have feelings (as far as we know). I could say nothing and I have to be honest and tell you that I have been guilty of this on more than one occasion. I could also run away and I might have done that once or twice but I could not possibly confirm this.

Why do we repeatedly consider these options rather than just telling the truth straight away? Well, let me introduce you to your favourite new acronym. You’ve probably heard of LOL (laugh out loud) and perhaps FOMO (fear of missing out), well let me introduce you to (drum roll please...) FOLS. This is the ‘fear of looking stupid’. FOLS prevents me from doing so many things, I am too embarrassed to list them. I am reassured and comforted only by the fact that I know just about everyone else also suffers from it and although there is no known cure, you can learn to defeat it more often than not.

Once a mistake is made, FOLS is what tells me to ignore it, find a scapegoat or run for the hills. This way I save face, no one thinks I am an idiot and I have no need to learn from my mistakes. Phew.

The thing is, FOLS does not just impact those of us who have bumped the car on the wall while reversing into the drive again (cough), forgotten to pack a school lunch or put the washing on. FOLS impacts companies when dealing with customers and also regulators and governments when dealing with extremely important issues, as they all employ humans as their decision-makers.

FOLS hits me with double the force when it relates to my work. The horror of having to tell a client I forgot to do something can haunt me for days, weeks even. I do tell them though and the reason I ‘fight the FOLS’ if you will, is that it is important. It’s important that my client knows that if I make a mistake they will also know about it and I will put it right. This has built more trust and confidence with clients over the years than any fancy lunch or free pen and, importantly, it has created a culture of openness within the firm. Staff feel safe to own up to errors and we often argue about whose fault it is, all wanting to take some blame. It is refreshing, healthy and ensures I never worry about mistakes as I know we will find out about them soon enough to head any serious consequences off at the pass.

In financial services, my industry, mistakes can cost millions and ruin lives but most don’t. Regulators rightly police firms looking for poor culture and behaviours but I think they miss a trick in terms of how they deal with genuine mistakes on a routine basis. While there are obviously always going to be a handful of people purposely cutting corners or coming up with complex schemes designed to deliberately defraud customers, in most cases, mistakes are exactly that, mistakes, and we all know that everyone is making them.

We are encouraged to be part of a global conspiracy which claims mistakes never happen as, if we do admit to a mistake, regulators are expected to come down hard on us, leaving not only little scope for learning, open discussion and positive change but also reinforcing fear and reticence in others.

If you are worried about the consequences of being honest about a mistake or error, you are more likely to hide it, to push sales forward aggressively or to try to compensate in other ways, covering your tracks rather than improving your skills and fixing problems and this does not work in the best interests of anyone, least of all consumers.

So how do we improve this? We all need to drive this change from within to show regulators, governments, consumers and the general public that we can do things better.

We have to start leading by example and we have to be brave. If management teams, governments and authorities admit mistakes, this is powerful. We all need to make our working environments safe enough that people can admit their failings or ask for help without fear of negative consequences. This takes pressure off staff to hide errors or problems, reassures us all that we are human and that we can do better next time and it creates a much healthier culture.

Once you have admitted a mistake, apologised, asked for help and explained how you plan to put it right, even if no one noticed the mistake in the first place, you not only free yourself, you build huge amounts of trust and goodwill with those you share this with.

It’s only easier to hide mistakes in the short term. Longer term we all benefit from a more open culture, greater forgiveness and understanding and a safe space to learn and grow. Let’s give each other the benefit of the doubt. None of us know it all. It’s time to face our FOLS as there’s nothing stupid about being brave enough to say we got it wrong.